Trump and the right wing are systematically destroying our democracy. We’ve tried just about everything possible to stop them — or even just slow them down — but they continue to roll over us.

While it may seem like the only thing left to do is have anxiety attacks, there’s something else we should try. Something we used to do without giving it a second thought. Something we enjoyed doing. That something is talking to our friends and family who just so happen to be Trump supporters at the moment. That is what this framework is all about.

Yes, this sounds daunting, but that’s mostly because right-wing propaganda has changed the way we need to communicate with them. Most readers would be surprised to learn that there are proven techniquesto have these conversations — and that they’re only slightly different from what we’re familiar with.

What follows is a framework designed to help you actively protect democracy in practical, everyday ways. It encourages you to do that in familiar places — at your kitchen table or in your backyard — by engaging in empathetic and authentic conversations with the Trump supporters you know and care about.

At a minimum, these conversations can help you get your friends and family back. When done at scale — in homes all across America — they can start a grassroots movement that will:

• Help reduce Trump’s support

• Put pressure on Congress and other government officials

• Turn our friends and family away from dangerous right-wing propaganda

• Start rebuilding a more civil and reality-based society

This framework breaks the work into manageable stages, starting with preparation and understanding and moving toward real conversations over time. Each stage is broken down into smaller, doable steps. Some tasks are self-explanatory, while others provide links to deeper dives.

Learning is a central part of this framework. If we don’t understand how propaganda operates — and how our own minds respond to it — we will keep repeating or avoiding the same ineffective arguments. Learning gives us leverage. It allows us to plan instead of react, and it builds the empathy and confidence needed for these conversations. The more we understand the mechanics behind the machine, the less power it has over us.

You don’t need to do every step. Take what’s useful, skip what isn’t, and move at a pace that fits your life and relationships. Take the time to learn the background information - knowing how we got to this point is very important.

One last point: if you’re exhausted about what’s going on (and who isn’t?), taking purposeful action against the cause of that exhaustion is a well-known way to reduce it. Use the steps in the framework to take action, working a little bit every day to help yourself and your democracy.

The Framework

1 - Prepare

Who you choose, your relationship with them, and their relationship with Trump will help you determine which tasks are required and how much effort to put into them.

Choosing who to engage

• Think carefully about which relationships to engage and which to avoid.

  • Start with those you were closest to or those you still socialize with

  • Always avoid those who intimidate or have threatened you

• Keep them in mind as you learn, recalibrate, and practice for these conversations

• Avoid folks on social media entirely. They’re only there for a fight.

2 - Learn what happened to us

A big takeaway here is that propaganda and disinformation can capture and change any of us. As clever as we think we are, we’re all vulnerable. Another big takeaway is that all the damage they have done to our friends and family can be undone.

The brain under pressure

• Learn how fear and anxiety rewire our brain

• Recognize how belonging and group identity shape what we are willing to believe — and why it’s hard to leave the group

• More importantly, recognize that it can be undone. (more here)

How propaganda works

• Learn about propaganda in general.

• Understand that Trump supporters were pulled in primarily through disinformation and propaganda.

• Understand how propaganda exploits fear, identity, and belonging rather than reason.

• Recognize how echo chambers, repetition, and multiple sources reinforce beliefs over time. (more here)

• Learn about the effectiveness of charismatic leaders. (more here)

• Learn about the draw of conspiracy theories

• Realize that things will get worse unless we get in front of it.

Why facts and arguments fail

• Learn the importance of avoiding fact-based conversations. Facts alone rarely change minds.

• Remember, it’s not what was said, but who said it.

• Learn the effectiveness of stories vs. facts.

• Understand that we are driven more by emotion than by facts, and how we can use that.

Who benefits from disinformation

• Learn how billionaires, corporatists, and oligarchs benefit from division and disinformation. (more here)

• Learn why Trump and MAGA offer a false sense of acceptance and belonging that makes leaving harder.

3 - Recalibrate

Propaganda didn’t change who your friends and family are; it changed how they view certain things. Therefore, it also changed how we need to talk to them. These conversations depend on us getting the how right. The information provided in this Conversation Toolkt is critical and it applies to the remainder of this framework.

Resetting expectations

• Let go of the goal of getting someone to admit they were wrong.

• Focus on reconnection and planting seeds rather than conversion.

• Set expectations for slow movement instead of immediate change.

Adopting the right posture

• Approach conversations as a way to help them find their own way back.

• Frame the problem to yourself as “they were lied to,” not “they’re idiots.”

• Open their eyes through your presence, authenticity, and your behavior.

Preparing for self-discipline

• Enter conversations without attacking, fact-checking, or trying to win.

• Avoid negativity, sarcasm, and condescension.

• Accept that this won’t be perfect and that you’ll learn as you go.

• Remember that disengaging leaves them in the hands of the propagandists.

4 - Practice

Work on some basic skills and then rehearse how these conversations might go with the person you chose to talk to.

Skill-building

• Listen to yourself when talking to others. Look for things to correct.

  • Listen to them. Don’t interrupt and don’t just wait to tell your side.

  • Resist mentally drafting your reply as they speak.

  • Ask questions with the intent of truly understanding (open-ended questions).

  • Additional thoughts.

• Practice using stories, personal or otherwise, instead of relying on facts.

• Practice talking about Trump’s damage without mentioning Trump.

• Think of how you might reframe issues as billionaires and corporations against all Americans.

• Understand and learn to control your body language (rolling eyes, sighs, and sarcasm).

Mental rehearsal

• Think through how your conversations might unfold.

• Visualize yourself staying calm and positive.

• Think about what topics or words might trigger them and avoid these.

• Anticipate their views and likely reactions.

• Rehearse worst-case scenarios and how to de-escalate them.

• Decide ahead of time when to back off if things aren’t going well.

5 - Engage

Remember that emotions are more effective than facts. Using facts will often backfire. Keep this in mind for your conversations.

Structuring conversations

• Plan to reconnect first (as needed for your current relationship).

• Keep early conversations non-political. Allow politics to enter gradually over time.

• Make sure they know they’re always welcome back — no questions asked.

• Make these conversations one-on-one with no audience from either side.

• Prioritize face-to-face interactions.

• Go for walks or work on something together to build a sense of fellowship.

• Plan on engaging over time instead of treating this as a one-time effort.

Navigating political topics

• Gently introduce policy consequences when they naturally apply. Avoid forcing topics.

• Let them explain their point or feelings without interrupting.

• Keep it light, don’t let politics dominate any of these conversations.

• Weave storytelling into these conversations.

• Keep returning to common ground and shared values.

• Control negative body language.

• Allow small moments of awareness and agreement to accumulate.

Sustaining engagement

• Be prepared to adjust your approach based on how they respond.

• Back off when conversations go wrong — adjust for next time.

• They’ll still be exposed to propaganda — stay connected and keep these conversations going’

As a reminder, the information provided in the Conversation Toolkt is critical to our understanding of how to have these conversations.

6 - Adjust

Take what you’ve learned from real conversations and refine your approach.

• Reflect on what resonated and what didn’t.

• Notice shifts in tone — yours and theirs.

• Lighten it up if it was too political.

• Follow up calmly if a conversation became tense.

• Protect your energy and pace yourself.