How to Talk with Your Trump-Supporting Friends and Family
Democracy has one last chance... your voice
"Nobody makes a greater mistake than he who did nothing because he could do only a little." - Edmund Burke
We’re losing ground. Anti-democratic forces are working around the clock across America and deep inside our government. They’re corrupting our institutions, rewriting history, silencing truth, and silencing pro-democracy voices. Meanwhile, our weekend marches, occasional boycotts, and rarely heard speeches from elected Democrats simply cannot keep pace. We’re not going to save democracy from the top down.
There's no getting around it - if we want our democracy to survive, then we need to talk to our Trump-supporting friends and family. We must be their path back to reality, gently and patiently nudging them away from Trump and the disinformation that led them to him. They are our friends and family - nobody else can reach them now - it's up to us. We owe to them and to our democracy.
Yes, these conversations can be tricky, and they often backfire. However, they're important, and the ideas below can help you navigate them.
We're diving straight into it, so if you're a bit unsure, please read "The Case for Talking with Trump Supporters" for the rationale and motivation behind this effort. In case you choose not to read it, here are the main takeaways:
These "conversations" aren't about you getting them to declare, 'OMG, you’re right. How did I not see that?'. Make these conversations more about reconnecting (if needed) and planting the seeds that let them find their own way back to the truth.
Disinformation can capture and change any of us, but it can be undone.
As the pain of Trump's policies sets in, his supporters will be more receptive than before. It will be easier to show that something is happening than it was to warn that something might happen.
Our unwillingness to engage with Trump supporters only strengthens the influence of those who’ve captured them.
Having specific goals in mind can help guide these conversations. Keep in mind that achieving these goals will take time. Here they are:
Help folks see that Trump doesn't care about them, their family, or our country. He is aggressively aligning America with authoritarian leaders, and that will not end well for any of us.
Help them move away from manipulative and destructive sources of information (Fox News, Joe Rogan, social media, etc.). Disinformation and propaganda are THE reasons we are in this mess.
Help them find better sources of information. While far from perfect, mainstream media doesn't push blatant lies as does conservative media. Introduce them to your favorite independent journalist(s).
Help them see that it's the billionaires, corporatists, and oligarchs that are our true enemies, not our neighbors and not the vulnerable.
We must encourage people to reject the toxic voices and their misguided allegiances that are rapidly tearing our society apart.
A Guide for These Conversations
What follows is a hands-on guide to help you plan and navigate these conversations. It’s not realistic to offer step-by-step instructions for every type of relationship. Instead, we provide a flexible guide, based on the most difficult conversations, that you can adapt, soften, and personalize to your own situation. The guide is structured as follows:
General conversation tips (which may also help you decide whom to talk to)
Guidance on choosing who to engage with… and who to avoid
An approach to the worst-case scenario
Suggestions for adapting that worst-case approach to other relationships
Additional insights and helpful pointers
Use what resonates, skip what doesn’t, and remember: progress happens one moment of awareness at a time… let them add up.
General Tips
These conversations are typically more about planting seeds that help people come around on their own.
This process could take weeks or months, understanding that upfront will help prevent frustration. Keep engaging.
Prepare for these conversations: think about who you’ll talk to, how things might go, and the views they might hold. Visualize how you will act positively
How you enter a conversation (what you say and do) matters - don’t start with attacking, fact-checking, or expecting to convert them.
Negativity pushes people away. Speak gently and positively - it sticks.
One-on-one conversations are usually most effective. If other Trump supporters are present, they’ll reinforce each other. If multiple people confront a single Trump supporter, he or she will feel attacked and become defensive.
Face-to-face is ideal, phone calls can work, and email is a last resort.
Face-to-face is effective, but side-by-side is better. Go for a walk together - it suggests fellowship, not confrontation.
Better yet, work on something or solve a problem together. This video is great example.
Avoid insults, eye-rolling, or condescension. They'll notice, it will hurt, and it won't be forgotten.
Back off if things aren't going well - it's important to keep these lines of communication open for future conversations.
People are driven by emotion, not facts. Use personal stories and experiences - they are more difficult to dismiss than facts.
Who to talk with
When considering whom to talk to, start with those who may be more open to meaningful conversations with you. Here are some key groups to focus on:
Those you still socialize with regularly
Those with whom you share memories, values, or other strong emotional bonds
Those who have vulnerable loved ones to protect
Anyone you know who has shown signs of remorse or who you suspect might be personally impacted by Trump
Those who were uninformed or non-voters (vs. staunch Trump supporters)
In some cases, you should tread lightly:
Hardcore in-your-face MAGA friends and family
Co-workers - depending on your relationship and how far you take these conversations
New acquaintances - such as someone you meet at a party, but they can be nudged
And there are those to avoid altogether - no exceptions:
Anyone who has ever threatened you or talked to you in an intimidating tone.
Anyone on social media - they're only there to pick a fight, and they will drain your energy. Block them or otherwise totally disengage
There's plenty of variability in the above. Who you choose to engage with and with what frequency and intensity will depend on your relationship with them and their relationship with Trump. Pick the low-hanging fruit first.
The worst-case scenario
Let’s use the example of a staunch Trump supporter you’ve grown distant from, and your relationship was once solid, as the worst-case scenario. As you read along, consider how this might apply to the Trump voter(s) in your life and how these conversations could unfold. Remember, you don't have to rescue them outright - take these conversations as far as you feel comfortable. Keep these points in mind:
Remember that Trump and MAGA disingenuously offer many a sense of acceptance and camaraderie, making it hard for the faithful to leave.
Continually show that family and friendship matter more than political allegiance and that they’ll always be welcome back.
If they start doubting their loyalty to Trump, knowing others care about them will make it easier for them to walk away.
Start by reaffirming your relationship with them:
Find a reason to reach out or check in.
Your first goal is simply to reconnect, quietly giving them a lifeline to reality.
Try to avoid politics entirely, even subtle hints
Focus on shared history, family, mutual interests, community, or lighthearted topics.
Let them know they have a home or relationship to return to - they need to know they’ll have a place to go if they leave Trump.
Continue with this approach, even after these conversations advance.
Let politics slowly drift into later conversations.
This is where we can start using storytelling
Without mentioning Trump or politics, gently touch on his policies (or their consequences) that impact them, you, or the community.
Don't force things into the conversation; slide them in when appropriate. Examples include retirement concerns, your insulin costs, local layoffs or work stoppages, etc.
If their concerns extend beyond the immediate (economy, corruption, healthcare, global stability, climate disasters, etc.), gently touch on those as well.
Stay in this mode until you (hopefully) see them thinking more about what's truly going on in the world and about those they believe.
As the conversations become more complex
The overall theme here should not be "you're an idiot", but "they lied to you and took advantage of you". Remember, we want them to recognize and reject the voices in their bubble.
Avoid lecturing, finger-pointing, and sarcasm - this will make them dig in their heels.
Understand their concerns so well that you can explain them back to them. This shows respect - something many may feel they’ve been lacking for years.
Encourage them, genuinely, to explain their views. In some cases, their attempts to articulate misguided beliefs will reveal the flaws in their thinking. Let them struggle to answer for a bit - the silence can be more effective than words.
Offer broader perspectives on their concerns. An important underlying perspective is that all of their concerns combined aren't worth losing our democracy over.
Keep it light - there should be plenty of smiles, laughs, and agreement. Don't let politics dominate any of these conversations. The idea here is to keep the door open to further conversations
Keep cycling back to common ground and connecting
Adapting the worst-case scenario
Hopefully, you're not facing the worst-case scenario described above. This section offers a few simple examples of how you might adjust things for different types of relationships.
Your immediate family:
Use your long history to guide these conversations.
You should be able to predict how these conversations will go - visualize and rehearse them.
The idea of only having one-on-one conversations may apply less here, but avoid "interventions."
Depending on your family dynamics, it may be okay to have stern talks, but avoid pushing buttons.
Point out how specific individuals in or close to your family will be hurt by Trump's policies.
People impacted by Trump's policies:
Reach out to them - let them know you're thinking about them
Instead of doing the "I told you so" thing, sit down and listen to their problem and maybe even help them figure out a solution.
Help them identify and move away from those who were hiding the truth from them all this time
This can be frustrating for you if they only now care about Trump's disregard for others. Use it as a lesson about love vs. allegiance and about living in a society built on respect and mutual support.
Trump supporters you regularly socialize with, but politics are politely or conveniently ignored.
In these cases, they could be humiliated, wavering, or happy about Trump's America.
You could ask them where they now stand, but simply trying to gauge them may be a safer approach. Where they stand will drive these conversations
Depending on your relationship, there could be some good-natured ribbing, but done in an empathetic and educational manner
Keeping these conversations one-on-one still applies
Uninformed, apathetic, and non-voters
See immediately above
Additional Guidance
In deeper conversations, if things devolve into a back-and-forth argument, agree to give each person a few minutes to explain without interruption. Or agree to this upfront.
When things aren't going well, then back off. Don’t get flustered and storm off - try again another day or forget about this one. Never cut anyone out of your life - they need at least one connection to reality, no matter how frail.
If they push your buttons, just laugh at yourself or maybe even agree with them - it will catch them off guard.
Make no mention or hint of someone being brainwashed, living in a cult, or needing to be reprogrammed - this is exceedingly insulting.
Let them know your door will always be open to them - this will make it easier for them to leave Trump.
Learn about them as you go, research their issues, and circle back on those topics in later conversations.
It might be better not to make it about Trump or his policies. Make it about the billionaire class vs everyone else - make it about saving Democracy.
Many have been convinced that an "inclusive society" will somehow exclude them, so it might be good to avoid those conversations, at least early on.
Some will crave "the good old days" - agree with them and mention how much you miss a government that is not owned by billionaires and corporate America
A stern reality check is sometimes appropriate. For example, point to someone in their life who will be harmed by Trump's policies.
We hope you pictured yourself holding these conversations as you read through the above. You know your friends and family best; use your instincts, make a plan, and reach out.
Don’t underestimate the power of your actions – they do matter. Just as endless rhetoric was used to destroy our democracy from the top down, our countless conversations will save democracy from the bottom up.